Reaching Out

Written by Naomi Moss

Mother and daughter. Big sister and little sister. Mentor and mentee. These are all vital relationships, especially as part of the healthy development of any young girl. But some circumstances are beyond control and not all children have a maternal figure to help them through life’s tough challenges...and those dreaded teenage years. Some ladies in Bakersfield are making it their mission to step in and help young girls learn what being a successful woman means. So while some girls dream of being athletes and presidents, these are often lofty goals other girls never imagine. But with a little encouragement, these girls now have a new hope in their abilities to live life to the fullest. And thanks to some well-developed programs, these women are able to help in a big way.

The GAP program, funded by a grant through the Junior League of Bakersfield, reaches out to girls in the foster care system. A committee of seven women has monthly meetings with 20-30 girls in attendance. Katie Kirschenmann, committee chair, explained, “These girls have horrible experiences. We want to show them positive self expression.”

While on the surface it seems like a craft day, these woman take time to ask questions, get to know the girls, and lend a listening ear, all while teaching etiquette, journaling, and providing a positive outlet for emotions. “We keep it creative and fun, but there is always a life lesson,” Kirschenmann added.

While on the surface it seems like a craft day, these woman take time to ask questions, get to know the girls, and lend a listening ear, all while teaching etiquette, journaling, and providing a positive outlet for emotions. “We keep it creative and fun, but there is always a life lesson,” Kirschenmann added.

The girls really responded to the interest these ladies had in them so much during the monthly meetings, the committee decided to increase meetings to twice a month. While Kirschenmann sees the girls change from month to month, the impact was far from anything she imagined.

Carolyn, 17, has greatly enjoyed attending the monthly meetings and loves to talk about the program.

“The classes are really educational and the art is therapeutic. The painting makes me able to release my mind and have fun.”

And fun is just the tip of the iceberg.

“Foster girls sometimes don’t have anyone to talk to and all of the mentors at GAP are interested in our lives and they take the time to talk to us about our lives,” Carolyn said.

Mentors are always presenting real life situations and issues in a way the girls can appreciate. Topics of meetings can be life and friends, finances, parents, and careers. The GAP program also encourages girls to deal with emotions in a positive way because they may not have a close relationship to share daily details of high school life. “The journaling we do is really good,” exclaimed Carolyn. “I am able to take advantage of the blank pages; it lets me get the stress out of my mind. I can yell inside my journal and that is helpful.”

While the program was created with the goal of helping young girls through difficult life circumstances, they are not the only ones touched by the program. Overwhelmed by Carolyn’s responses, Kirschenmann said, “This is an incredible opportunity to be a part of a life and help. I wish everyone could get the same satisfaction in helping others as I do.” She watched the girls come timidly the first night and now they are eager to get to meetings and share with one another at school. “Now, the girls are offering support to one another. They don’t realize it, but we see it.”

The GAP program isn’t the only program in Bakersfield reaching girls through group mentoring. The Self Esteem Council is able to provide four to five mentors to meet with 15 girls once a month at South and Ridgeview High schools. Each semester, new girls are chosen, but those meetings mean the world to them. Meetings stress to the girls that life is not what happens, but how you handle it.

Krystal Reynolds is a volunteer mentor at Ridgeview High School.

“We want these girls to strive for better,” she explained.

Indeed, some of the homes are broken and have one parent and several siblings to share a tiny house. “We start with goal setting. It’s small, but if they want to graduate, they start with homework now.” These mentors ask not when will you graduate, but how will you graduate. The focus is laying a foundation of self supporting attitude so they take initiative in getting the job done, not waiting for it to be handed to them. Most of these girls have no positive examples in their life.

Through a year of mentoring, Reynolds was able to see the difference in the girls. In fact, many go on to college.

“I can’t describe the feeling in the room [when we meet],” Reynolds said. “These girls know they always have someone to talk to.” When there is nobody at home for the girls, they know they can go to the mentors.

“The girls have nicknamed themselves and hang out now. They know what they are going through; others have the same issues.” Knowing you are not alone is a major step in overcoming the feeling of isolation through circumstances.

These two successful programs offer group-based mentoring where the girls have similar backgrounds. The R.O.S.E. Mentor Program takes a different approach and helps girls by one-on-one mentoring. Mary Reynolds is a perfect example of why we should invest in the life of at least one child. In fact, it was her transformation through being mentored that prompted her sister, Krystal, to get involved in a mentoring program. “Without a mentor, I probably would not have graduated high school,” said Mary. Krystal acknowledges the changes in her sister were definitely huge strides in overcoming an unfortunate childhood.

Forced out of her home at 15, Mary was grateful to end up at her grandmother’s house, but there was too big of a generation gap for her to feel comfortable sharing. The pressures of changing schools due to the move and not understanding why her mom made her leave left Mary unable to express herself. “My grandma nicknamed me ‘Waterfall’ because I would cry at anything.”

But this young lady is poised and articulate and her sister beams with pride at Mary’s growth.

“The emotional maturity in my sister is amazing,” Krystal said. “She is more polite and more respectful and loving. She shows her feelings and is able to express herself. She didn’t do that before, but she does now.”

Mary continued, nodding her head in agreement, “I’m more aware of others around me.”

The R.O.S.E. Mentor Program picks two girls from local high schools to be mentored their junior and senior years. They are matched with mentors and are able to develop an intimate relationship with each other over time. Mary is appreciative of what her mentor did for her. Even though relationships take time and trust, Mary was thankful she had someone who cared. “She didn’t mind when I called at 4:00 in the morning to ask ‘Why?’ It was hard to understand why my mother would kick me out when I never got into trouble, had straight As and worked two jobs. My sisters got to stay, but I didn’t. She really helped me get through it.”

In addition to the personal attention, the mentors and mentees gather with other R.O.S.E. participants and learn etiquette, attend the Bakersfield Business Woman’s Conference, learn speaking skills, and woman’s history. Girls are able to experience these events alongside their mentors and talk afterwards.

And just as the other programs fostered a caring environment between the young girls, Mary realized she was not alone and she had the power to change.

“It was a privilege for me to go through the program.”

Mentoring takes many forms, but the change in the mentees’ lives is real and wonderful.

As Krystal Reynolds concluded, “You influence others one way or another.”

It might as well be for the benefit of society. These girls will grow to be mature young women, changing the world one at a time, because someone took a moment to care.

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Article appeared in our 27-6 Issue - February 2011